i saw the sign...

Let me set the stage: It's 5th grade and I'm sitting in the gym watching rehersals for the 5th/6th grade production of Beowulf and waiting for my part to come up. I'm doing my math homework and listening to a tape on my walkman. It's the same tape that all my friends were listening to on their walkmans at the same time. Side 1 on was our favorite and you could hear the clicks of people's walkmans as they stopped the tape and pressed rewind and quickly pressed play again.

Today I've been sitting at my desk all day working on an outline my law school thesis with shuffle in the background when these songs came back to me.

Who remembers a little album by Ace of Base called "The Sign"?


I'm sure most of us know "The Sign" and, if you're cool like me, still know all the words. I remember being 10 years old and thinking "good for that girl, she saw the sign and left that guy." The video is so 90's and fantastic.


But who remembers the other gems on the cd: "All that She Wants" and my personal favorite, "Don't Turn Around".

The best part is the "rap" around 2:45

Oh Sweden...you brought me Abba and you brought me Ace of Base. What would my life be like without you.

birthdays and growing up

First of all, I must wish a Happy Birthday to my little Brodie - he turns 1 today. In the midst of the ridiculous amount of stress and anxiety that I'm feeling, I decided that Brodie shouldn't suffer so Matt and I took him to Petsmart to pick out a birthday present. He got this cube thing that has random little "pockets" inside of it. You place food inside it and shake it up and then he has to roll the cube around until food falls out. We gave it to him after singing "Happy Birthday" (yes, I know he's a dog and doesn't understand, but the birthday dog deserves a song) and he was totally scared and confused by it at first, but it provided a good hour of entertainment. I'm excited that there is something that he loves besides the tennis ball.

Now to the "Bianca needs to vent" part...

This weekend has totally been bananas, and not in a good way. I've been pretty stressed out the past few weeks, which is expected and really in my 3rd year of law school, shouldn't surprise me. On Friday I decided to create a checklist of things that I need to work on and it was so much longer than I imagined in my head. Needless to say, I'm freaking out. There's the reading for school which is normal but killing me because I can't wrap my head around Corporations. Usually I'm pretty confident in my ability, but that class just makes me feel so stupid. Law school is basically my entire life and lately I've been thinking "what the hell am I doing???" Law school was never fun, but now I feel like I don't even want to do this anymore.

I remember when I first told some friends that I was going to law school and they thought I was nuts. One friend pointed out that I loved fashion and entertainment and asked why I wanted to sit behind a desk reading boring documents. I told her that I wasn't going to be "that kind" of lawyer - I wanted to change the system and help those who couldn't help themselves. I had all these things I wanted to accomplish. I was passionate, I was motivated, I was 100% confident in myself. My confidence has gone down the tubes along with my wittiness and overall cheerful attitude. Tiffany called me today and said "it sounds like you need a bitch session, are you ok?" That's always a sign that things are off.

My first year of law school I seriously considered dropping out. My parents were getting divorced, I was depressed and crying all the time, and wanted nothing more than to sit in my room and stare blankly at the tv. I was convinced that I wouldn't pass my classes mostly because I didn't want to put in the effort. I had the "drop out" convo with Matt and my mom at least once a week. It freaked them out. One day Matt said "if you're going to leave law school, I want it to be because you worked your butt off and somehow didn't make the cut, not because you gave up." Because I didn't want to disappoint them, I finally sucked it up and did pretty well, which kinda makes me sad because I think of how much better I could have done had I actually really really tried. I still constantly joke with Matt about dropping out and then we laugh and say "too late now" but I can't help but wonder...

2 years later, I really love the clinic work I'm doing. I feel like I'm doing something important and making positive changes in my client's lives. I worry that the happiness I feel when I read the current issue of "Elle" or when I watch the "Chelsea Handler Show" are signs that I'm doing the wrong thing. Or maybe they make me so happy because they are totally opposite of the law thing. But occasionally I do see glimmers of hope when Matt asks me a lawyerly question and I ramble for 20 mins. And I'm sure that once I get out of the law school work and focus solely on a particular area of law, it's all good. But I worry that I may never get my spark back and I can't help but wonder where would I be, how would I feel if I had gone down another path. Would I be happier? Or would I just thinking "what if I had gone to law school?" And maybe I should remember that graduating from law school and taking the bar doesn't mean that I'm stuck in this career. Or maybe I'll end up loving lawyer life. I could combine my loves and take off for Paris and work as a lawyer for Chanel. Then I'd actually learn how to speak French. Maybe I can convince Matt that my talents would be better utilized staying at home drinking cosmopolitans and being a 1950's housewife...ok that's a lie, I know I definitely couldn't handle that.

I'm sure these are thoughts and feelings that all us 20-somethings go through as we accept that we are no longer kids and have to grow up. I just don't know how to come to terms with it.

billie jean is not my lover

After spending the morning crying while watching "A Walk to Remember" (seriously, that movie always kills me. What guy does all that stuff for a girl???), I finally settled down to do work. I was flipping through channels to find something to listen to in the background and I stopped on Food Network where someone was baking. While explaining how to make whatever they were making, they said "beat the eggs" which prompted me to start humming "Beat It" and suddenly I had this craving to listen to Michael Jackson.

I have a pretty stellar collection of Michael's old stuff and it makes me sad to remember just how good he used to be. Case in point: Billie Jean. We all remember that video. The black cat; weird creepy detective guy; light up sidewalk. I'd post it on here for all of you to enjoy, but the first 20 or so videos of it I saw on youtube had embedding disabled. But I present Michael's performance from "Motown 25"

The short pants, glittery socks, and the glove. Amazing. Plus that was the first time he performed the moonwalk. Soo good.

In other gems we also have "Thriller" (which gave me nightmares for weeks), "Bad", "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough". And of course I can't forget "Beat It" which holds a very special place in my heart for this reason:
How creepy is that?! I especially love that it says it comes with glittering "magic" glove. What kind of magic is that glove capable of? My brother actually owned this. It was a random gift from a relative of ours and it sat in the corner of our room. The 80's really were an amazing time.

The thing about Michael Jackson is that he was this amazing performer with fantastic songs that everyone knows the words to. What happened to him??? Totally tragic.

my exciting night...

How does a gal like me spend a thursday night?

Watching















While drinking















And reading

Someone remind me why I'm in law school again???

Do Do Do Do You Have It GUTS!!!

A few things:

1. Do people remember this?:

Well my friends, apparently it's back...sort of. Meet

Weird, right? I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I think it's kinda the same, Astro-Crag and all. I'm sure in a moment of despair, aka drowing in law school reading, I'll procrastinate and watch it. I'll be sure to report back.

2) Josh Groban's Emmy Medley = Genius. I wanted to take deep breaths for him. I can't decide which part I like better: "South Park" or "Baywatch"


3) The Cubs are officially in the playoffs. FUCK YES!!!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend :)

because i want to be penny lane

If you read any of my insane ramblings on this blog, you'll know that I love music. I sing along and dance to it as I get ready in the mornings (think Cameron Diaz in "Charlie's Angels", but not as intense. Ok that's a lie, just as intense). It's a staple when driving in the car, particularly if I'm hanging out with Tiffany. We turn car rides into a performance. Back in high school we even had choreography to some songs. Yes, we're that cool. And of course, it's the only way I can study. I don't work well in silence, which is why I can't spend more than 2 minutes inside the law library.


My favorite movie of all time is "Almost Famous". In my experience it's one of those movies that you absolutely love or totally hate. Jessica and I have watched that movie countless times and randomly quote it. It's lovely. But why I love that flick is that it's so centered in a passion for music. Cameron Crowe used to make these playlists that would reflect the music he was listening to at the time. He went back to these lists as he wrote the film. I do the same thing. I have a pile of mix tapes from junior high and high school full of songs that I taped off the radio (bootleg, yes, but this was pre-itunes so it worked). Some songs were current hit on the local alternative radio station that I was into at the time while others were oldies but goodies. The result were these wonderfully random mixes that reflected what I was listening to at that time in my life. My mix tape/playlist skills have evolved a bit since then, but I still make these playlists every month or so and while not all the songs on them are current and don't necessarily point to a particular "time", they do reflect moi.

Tiffany has generously named me the master of the mix tape, so I told her I would start posting my current mixes on here. The current mix is a little song, so I'll simply post the first 10 songs. So without further ado...

1) "Time to Pretend" - MGMT. I actually downloaded this song a little while back because it was itunes "free single of the week". I didn't really listen to more than the 30 second preview. Months later a friend recommended MGMT to me. I pulled up their album on Rhapsody and loved the synthy rock sounds. Then one day in my shuffle I found that I had one of their songs.

2) "I Never" - Rilo Kiley. I heart Rilo Kiley. How can you not love a band whose singer was in "Troop Beverly Hills" and whose guitarist was on "Salute Your Shorts". I tend to put at least one song on a mix that lets me really belt out.

3) "Dance Dance" - Fall Out Boy. Yes, Fall Out Boy. I tried really hard to resist them...but they're just so catchy.

4) "I Got a Man" - Positive K. Such an oldie but goodie. And the lyrics are hilarious. "I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman." Genius. I actually love this song so much that it probably pops up on 1/5 of my playlists.

5) "Bad Girl" - Danity Kane. I admit, I watch MTV's "Making the Band". It's such a guilty pleasure. But these girls are actually talented and this song makes me want to shake my bootie. Plus any song with a cameo from Missy Elliot is a plus.

6) "Calling All Skeletons" - Alkaline Trio. Duh, it's the Trio. It's quality. I'm totally digging their new cd.

7) "Night Time is the Right Time" - Ray Charles. Ever since I was little and saw the Huxtable clan perform this on "The Cosby Show", I've loved it.

8) "Shake It" - Metro Station. Another itunes free single that's blowing up on the radio now. It's catchy and makes me want to shake it.

9) "Because It's Not Love" - The Pipettes. This British girl group is insanely adorable. They have the sound of the girl groups from the 1960's but with a modern twist.

10) "Little Red Corvette" - Prince. Old school Prince is so great. A few coworkers and I got really into him this summer. The highlight was going to the "Prince vs. Michael Jackson" dance night. That room was filled with so many quality songs I really didn't know what to do with myself. Plus listening to Prince reminds me of the Chapelle Show clip where Prince made pancakes for Charlie Murphy.

There you have it folks. Do you have any songs that are a "must have" on your mixes? Let me know - perhaps they're gems that I've forgotten.

attack of the 6 legged spider

The other day as Matt and I were getting ready to go to sleep we saw a spider on the wall. Normally I try to go the humane route and take them outside, but I said a quick "i'm sorry" and went to kill it. Turns out that my spider killing kills aren't that good and I only got 2 of its legs (how I did that I don't know. and trust me, i felt awful). Matt's like "find it!" but I couldn't and I was like eh, well it's missing 2 legs, it's not going anywhere.

Fast forward 4 days. I just walked out of the bathroom and saw a spider on the wall...it only had 6 legs. Like, obviously missing 2. Holy crap, that spider came back to seek revenge...

Thankfully the battle is over.