i saw the sign...

Let me set the stage: It's 5th grade and I'm sitting in the gym watching rehersals for the 5th/6th grade production of Beowulf and waiting for my part to come up. I'm doing my math homework and listening to a tape on my walkman. It's the same tape that all my friends were listening to on their walkmans at the same time. Side 1 on was our favorite and you could hear the clicks of people's walkmans as they stopped the tape and pressed rewind and quickly pressed play again.

Today I've been sitting at my desk all day working on an outline my law school thesis with shuffle in the background when these songs came back to me.

Who remembers a little album by Ace of Base called "The Sign"?


I'm sure most of us know "The Sign" and, if you're cool like me, still know all the words. I remember being 10 years old and thinking "good for that girl, she saw the sign and left that guy." The video is so 90's and fantastic.


But who remembers the other gems on the cd: "All that She Wants" and my personal favorite, "Don't Turn Around".

The best part is the "rap" around 2:45

Oh Sweden...you brought me Abba and you brought me Ace of Base. What would my life be like without you.

birthdays and growing up

First of all, I must wish a Happy Birthday to my little Brodie - he turns 1 today. In the midst of the ridiculous amount of stress and anxiety that I'm feeling, I decided that Brodie shouldn't suffer so Matt and I took him to Petsmart to pick out a birthday present. He got this cube thing that has random little "pockets" inside of it. You place food inside it and shake it up and then he has to roll the cube around until food falls out. We gave it to him after singing "Happy Birthday" (yes, I know he's a dog and doesn't understand, but the birthday dog deserves a song) and he was totally scared and confused by it at first, but it provided a good hour of entertainment. I'm excited that there is something that he loves besides the tennis ball.

Now to the "Bianca needs to vent" part...

This weekend has totally been bananas, and not in a good way. I've been pretty stressed out the past few weeks, which is expected and really in my 3rd year of law school, shouldn't surprise me. On Friday I decided to create a checklist of things that I need to work on and it was so much longer than I imagined in my head. Needless to say, I'm freaking out. There's the reading for school which is normal but killing me because I can't wrap my head around Corporations. Usually I'm pretty confident in my ability, but that class just makes me feel so stupid. Law school is basically my entire life and lately I've been thinking "what the hell am I doing???" Law school was never fun, but now I feel like I don't even want to do this anymore.

I remember when I first told some friends that I was going to law school and they thought I was nuts. One friend pointed out that I loved fashion and entertainment and asked why I wanted to sit behind a desk reading boring documents. I told her that I wasn't going to be "that kind" of lawyer - I wanted to change the system and help those who couldn't help themselves. I had all these things I wanted to accomplish. I was passionate, I was motivated, I was 100% confident in myself. My confidence has gone down the tubes along with my wittiness and overall cheerful attitude. Tiffany called me today and said "it sounds like you need a bitch session, are you ok?" That's always a sign that things are off.

My first year of law school I seriously considered dropping out. My parents were getting divorced, I was depressed and crying all the time, and wanted nothing more than to sit in my room and stare blankly at the tv. I was convinced that I wouldn't pass my classes mostly because I didn't want to put in the effort. I had the "drop out" convo with Matt and my mom at least once a week. It freaked them out. One day Matt said "if you're going to leave law school, I want it to be because you worked your butt off and somehow didn't make the cut, not because you gave up." Because I didn't want to disappoint them, I finally sucked it up and did pretty well, which kinda makes me sad because I think of how much better I could have done had I actually really really tried. I still constantly joke with Matt about dropping out and then we laugh and say "too late now" but I can't help but wonder...

2 years later, I really love the clinic work I'm doing. I feel like I'm doing something important and making positive changes in my client's lives. I worry that the happiness I feel when I read the current issue of "Elle" or when I watch the "Chelsea Handler Show" are signs that I'm doing the wrong thing. Or maybe they make me so happy because they are totally opposite of the law thing. But occasionally I do see glimmers of hope when Matt asks me a lawyerly question and I ramble for 20 mins. And I'm sure that once I get out of the law school work and focus solely on a particular area of law, it's all good. But I worry that I may never get my spark back and I can't help but wonder where would I be, how would I feel if I had gone down another path. Would I be happier? Or would I just thinking "what if I had gone to law school?" And maybe I should remember that graduating from law school and taking the bar doesn't mean that I'm stuck in this career. Or maybe I'll end up loving lawyer life. I could combine my loves and take off for Paris and work as a lawyer for Chanel. Then I'd actually learn how to speak French. Maybe I can convince Matt that my talents would be better utilized staying at home drinking cosmopolitans and being a 1950's housewife...ok that's a lie, I know I definitely couldn't handle that.

I'm sure these are thoughts and feelings that all us 20-somethings go through as we accept that we are no longer kids and have to grow up. I just don't know how to come to terms with it.

billie jean is not my lover

After spending the morning crying while watching "A Walk to Remember" (seriously, that movie always kills me. What guy does all that stuff for a girl???), I finally settled down to do work. I was flipping through channels to find something to listen to in the background and I stopped on Food Network where someone was baking. While explaining how to make whatever they were making, they said "beat the eggs" which prompted me to start humming "Beat It" and suddenly I had this craving to listen to Michael Jackson.

I have a pretty stellar collection of Michael's old stuff and it makes me sad to remember just how good he used to be. Case in point: Billie Jean. We all remember that video. The black cat; weird creepy detective guy; light up sidewalk. I'd post it on here for all of you to enjoy, but the first 20 or so videos of it I saw on youtube had embedding disabled. But I present Michael's performance from "Motown 25"

The short pants, glittery socks, and the glove. Amazing. Plus that was the first time he performed the moonwalk. Soo good.

In other gems we also have "Thriller" (which gave me nightmares for weeks), "Bad", "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough". And of course I can't forget "Beat It" which holds a very special place in my heart for this reason:
How creepy is that?! I especially love that it says it comes with glittering "magic" glove. What kind of magic is that glove capable of? My brother actually owned this. It was a random gift from a relative of ours and it sat in the corner of our room. The 80's really were an amazing time.

The thing about Michael Jackson is that he was this amazing performer with fantastic songs that everyone knows the words to. What happened to him??? Totally tragic.

my exciting night...

How does a gal like me spend a thursday night?

Watching















While drinking















And reading

Someone remind me why I'm in law school again???

Do Do Do Do You Have It GUTS!!!

A few things:

1. Do people remember this?:

Well my friends, apparently it's back...sort of. Meet

Weird, right? I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I think it's kinda the same, Astro-Crag and all. I'm sure in a moment of despair, aka drowing in law school reading, I'll procrastinate and watch it. I'll be sure to report back.

2) Josh Groban's Emmy Medley = Genius. I wanted to take deep breaths for him. I can't decide which part I like better: "South Park" or "Baywatch"


3) The Cubs are officially in the playoffs. FUCK YES!!!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend :)

because i want to be penny lane

If you read any of my insane ramblings on this blog, you'll know that I love music. I sing along and dance to it as I get ready in the mornings (think Cameron Diaz in "Charlie's Angels", but not as intense. Ok that's a lie, just as intense). It's a staple when driving in the car, particularly if I'm hanging out with Tiffany. We turn car rides into a performance. Back in high school we even had choreography to some songs. Yes, we're that cool. And of course, it's the only way I can study. I don't work well in silence, which is why I can't spend more than 2 minutes inside the law library.


My favorite movie of all time is "Almost Famous". In my experience it's one of those movies that you absolutely love or totally hate. Jessica and I have watched that movie countless times and randomly quote it. It's lovely. But why I love that flick is that it's so centered in a passion for music. Cameron Crowe used to make these playlists that would reflect the music he was listening to at the time. He went back to these lists as he wrote the film. I do the same thing. I have a pile of mix tapes from junior high and high school full of songs that I taped off the radio (bootleg, yes, but this was pre-itunes so it worked). Some songs were current hit on the local alternative radio station that I was into at the time while others were oldies but goodies. The result were these wonderfully random mixes that reflected what I was listening to at that time in my life. My mix tape/playlist skills have evolved a bit since then, but I still make these playlists every month or so and while not all the songs on them are current and don't necessarily point to a particular "time", they do reflect moi.

Tiffany has generously named me the master of the mix tape, so I told her I would start posting my current mixes on here. The current mix is a little song, so I'll simply post the first 10 songs. So without further ado...

1) "Time to Pretend" - MGMT. I actually downloaded this song a little while back because it was itunes "free single of the week". I didn't really listen to more than the 30 second preview. Months later a friend recommended MGMT to me. I pulled up their album on Rhapsody and loved the synthy rock sounds. Then one day in my shuffle I found that I had one of their songs.

2) "I Never" - Rilo Kiley. I heart Rilo Kiley. How can you not love a band whose singer was in "Troop Beverly Hills" and whose guitarist was on "Salute Your Shorts". I tend to put at least one song on a mix that lets me really belt out.

3) "Dance Dance" - Fall Out Boy. Yes, Fall Out Boy. I tried really hard to resist them...but they're just so catchy.

4) "I Got a Man" - Positive K. Such an oldie but goodie. And the lyrics are hilarious. "I'm Big Daddy Longstroke, and your man's Pee Wee Herman." Genius. I actually love this song so much that it probably pops up on 1/5 of my playlists.

5) "Bad Girl" - Danity Kane. I admit, I watch MTV's "Making the Band". It's such a guilty pleasure. But these girls are actually talented and this song makes me want to shake my bootie. Plus any song with a cameo from Missy Elliot is a plus.

6) "Calling All Skeletons" - Alkaline Trio. Duh, it's the Trio. It's quality. I'm totally digging their new cd.

7) "Night Time is the Right Time" - Ray Charles. Ever since I was little and saw the Huxtable clan perform this on "The Cosby Show", I've loved it.

8) "Shake It" - Metro Station. Another itunes free single that's blowing up on the radio now. It's catchy and makes me want to shake it.

9) "Because It's Not Love" - The Pipettes. This British girl group is insanely adorable. They have the sound of the girl groups from the 1960's but with a modern twist.

10) "Little Red Corvette" - Prince. Old school Prince is so great. A few coworkers and I got really into him this summer. The highlight was going to the "Prince vs. Michael Jackson" dance night. That room was filled with so many quality songs I really didn't know what to do with myself. Plus listening to Prince reminds me of the Chapelle Show clip where Prince made pancakes for Charlie Murphy.

There you have it folks. Do you have any songs that are a "must have" on your mixes? Let me know - perhaps they're gems that I've forgotten.

attack of the 6 legged spider

The other day as Matt and I were getting ready to go to sleep we saw a spider on the wall. Normally I try to go the humane route and take them outside, but I said a quick "i'm sorry" and went to kill it. Turns out that my spider killing kills aren't that good and I only got 2 of its legs (how I did that I don't know. and trust me, i felt awful). Matt's like "find it!" but I couldn't and I was like eh, well it's missing 2 legs, it's not going anywhere.

Fast forward 4 days. I just walked out of the bathroom and saw a spider on the wall...it only had 6 legs. Like, obviously missing 2. Holy crap, that spider came back to seek revenge...

Thankfully the battle is over.

My Bestie

I clearly love Tiffany. These are things that came up in our convo tonight:

1) Tiffany: "OMG she's hideous...and she lives in the next state. That's too close for comfort."

2) Tiffany: "...I mean she's ok. But she's no burger from Checker's. She's no BLTA."
Bianca: "Well, maybe she's the LT, but definitely not the B or the A."
Tiffany: "Clearly she's the B. And we all know what that stands for..."

3) Bianca: "Why is he saying that? He's the one being proactive."
Tiffany: "Dude, what about Diddy and Proactiv?"

Only with her could I be content spending a Saturday night on the couch on the phone. I love this girl more than anything because she will always say the things I'm thinking. And she's fabulous.

remember that zebra???

While watching "Hole on the Wall", Matt said "yikes." My response? "Yipes, stripes, fruit stripe gum!" That's right...I busted out the jingle from a fruit stripe gum commercial from back in the day. Here's a little clip in case you don't remember:

It's scary how vividly I remember that. It reminds me of sitting in my living room while watching "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" and thinking that it's pretty rad that my parents let me stay up until 10 p.m. on a Saturday. Fruit stripes gum wasn't even that tasty. The flavor only lasted for 2 minutes. Plus they had those temporary tattoos on the wrappers which would have been cool if they worked. Sadly they didn't and made the 8 year old Bianca very sad.

This week has been absolutely bananas. It started out with a lovely alumni wine tasting event on Sunday. My college friends and I haven't really been into the alumni stuff but wine tasting is alway quality, so there we went. At least 20 wineries were there plus the most random and delicious assortment of food (sushi, fondue, gelato, paninis, oh my). Being the driver I only got to enjoy the beverages for a few hours. But my wonderful friends drank enough for themselves + me so all was good. After the event we headed to the dive bar that's right off campus to relive old times. Seeing that place in the daylight/without drinking a rum and coke on the walk over was really weird. But overall, good times.

School was insane this week. It's week 3 which is the time that work really starts picking up. Balancing an internship an 4 classes plus my writing requirement was probably not the best decision I've ever made. Tuesday night I had one the "omg what was I thinking, I can't handle being in law school, how am I gong to handle being a lawyer" freakout. Normally I have a lot of confidence in my ability to be a rock star lawyer, but lately I've been questioning myself. I think a lot has to do with the fact that in less than a year I will have taken the bar and I'll officially be in the real world. It makes me nervous. I need people to remind me that the real world is not that bad and that I can handle it. And I need to remember to breathe. Oxygen is important.

Since I've been so overwhelmed with work this week I haven't had time to watch my beloved shows which is probably why I've been a little pissy. So tonight I'm having a date with Tivo. So far I've gone through "The Hills", "Weeds", and "Project Runway". Next up is "America's Next Top Model". Perhaps I'll give some commentary tomorrow.

Also, I need a crazy fun way to unwind this weekend...any suggestions?

taking a survey, AOL version 3.0 style

I'm normally not a survey kind of gal. I used to do them back in the day when you would get 18 or so surveys from your friends in your AOL Mailbox (which was silly because you had received 10 or so surveys from those people before and the answers were the same). But my best friend/sista from another mista (like that?) said she wanted me to do it and I don't feel like reading for Wills & Trusts. So here we go:

A. Attached or single? Engaged to the dreamy Matt

B. Best friend? Tiffany

C. Cake or pie? So this is a tough one. I'm a really big fan of Baker's Square pie, namely the seasonal Strawberry Cream Cheese. But I probably could eat a funfetti cupcake everyday for the rest of my life. So I'll go with cake.

D. Day of choice? Saturday. No class on Fridays so I get a chance to catch up on sleep and work that day and Saturday is usually the day I take off from law school craziness.

E. Essential item? Hair Elastics. I usually have 2 around my wrist at any given time and go totally nuts when I don't. While I dig my hair when it's down, the possibility of not being able to pull it back when I want to makes me uncomfortable.

F. Favorite color? I really like pink and would probably say it's my favorite color...but I never wear pink clothes. I would say 50% of my shirts are black because it's the color that goes with everything (but this is a bad habit that I really need to stop).

G. Gummy bears or worms? Bears, always.

H. Hometown? Chicago Baby! I moved to the burbs when I was 10 but I will always call Chicago home.

I. Favorite indulgence? High heeled, peep toe shoes. Whenever I'm in a bad mood I go shoe shopping and it makes me feel better. Therefore, my closet needs more space.

J. January or July? July: While it's super humid in Chicago, watching the sunlight sparkle off the lake or watching the Cubs at Wrigley makes it totally worth it. And July in San Francisco is the perfect weather for driving with the windows down and singing at the top of my lungs.

K. Kids? Eventually. Probably 2 or 3. But right now Brodie is enough of a child for me.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Laughter. Nothing makes me feel better than laughing so hard that I'm crying.

M. Marriage date? October 2009

N. Number of brothers and sisters? An older brother. He's rad.

O. Oranges or apples? Oranges, mostly because I like the juice. And I really love clementines which are like mini oranges. Delish.

P. Phobias? Death. I have a huge fear of the unknown. And denim on denim.

Q. Quotes? "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

R. Reasons to smile? Cuddling with Matt. Brodie's ridiculous obsessesion with tennis balls. Totally random topic phone calls wih Tiffany. Dancing (I sometimes perform my old ballet routines when I'm home alone - it really makes me happy)

S. Season of choice? Summer. Flowers, skirt weather, baseball, beach. Fabulous.

T. Tag 5 people. Whoever wants to entertain me :)

U. Unknown fact about me? I never had the chicken pox. Whenever people talk about it I like to say "it couldn't be THAT bad" and laugh. Even though I got the shot I'm sure karma is going to get back at me.

V. Vegetable? Corn on the cob fresh off the grill and slathered in butter.

W. Worst habit? Wearing my contact lenses much longer than the 2-week period. But I'm cheap.

X. X-ray or ultrasound? Um...xray?

Y. Your favorite food? Lou Malnati's pizza. Ship one to me and I'll be your best friend.

Z. Zodiac sign? Taurus. According to AOL Horoscopes: "Taurus are noted for your determination. You get to where you are going, not because you are exceptionally fast or clever, but because Taurus will not be distracted from your goals. Your need for stability and simplicity can motivate Taurus to create a life for yourself that is quite functional, though it might seem boring to someone else. But Taurus aren't interested in taking unnecessary risks that can put your solid footing in jeopardy." Taurus Greatest Strength: Your sensible outlook on life; Taurus Possible Weakness: Accepting less than you can achieve." Wow...that's pretty accurate.

There you go folks, a little bit of Bianca from A-Z. Hope I helped you procrastinate just as much as writing it helped me.

An 80's Memory

So as a girl who lived in the 80's, there are several things I liked.

1) Jem: She was truly truly truly outrageous

2) Fanny Packs: It was a tragic look for me. Not only did I rock the fanny pack, but they also had mini ones for your wrists. So while my brush and dr. pepper lip smacker went in the fanny pack, my $2 allowance went in the wrist pack. Hot.

3) Skip-it. How a long piece of plastic with a ball on the end provided so many hours of entertainment still baffles me. But I loved it. My friends and I each had ones that were different colors and we would stand in a circle and play. My friend got me a new one for my 25th birthday. Interestingly, they don't have the counters on them anymore which was probably my favorite part of skip-it (because who doesn't want to brag about having more "skips")

This isn't a post about those fun 80's memories. It's about a little band known as New Kids on the Block.

Several years ago a show on VH-1 called "Bands Reunited" tried to get them to come together for one night, but they wouldn't. It was the only 30 min. episode of the show because every other group went for it. So I'm not going to lie - I was a huge fan. I had the pins, the bedspread (with the side of the pillow with Donnie and Joey face up always because they were the dreamiest), posters, etc. My music taste has evolved a lot since then. But I was eagerly anticipating their reunion. And...I'm undecided

I'm not really loving the new material and I'm a little weirded out they continue to choreograph routines like they did back in the day. But here is a clip of them performing "Step by Step" on the View:

Not nearly as bad I thought it would be. The worst part are the chicks in the audience attempting to sing along. They're not representing like I would.

There's something to be said about leaving the past in the past. It's like when they remake movies. There was some talk about someone making a new version of "The Breakfast Club". No one could be as good as the original cast. It's the same reason why I can't watch that J.C. Penny commercial that recreates scenes from the movie. But then you see bands like The Rolling Stones who continue to perform and sell out everywhere they play and they're good. So I don't know. Maybe I'm just yearning for 1988...